Foreign Memories
by CSIDLED
Summary: After watching the game together one night, Nick and Greg get to talking and certain memories are stronger than they thought... Slash shipping NSGS
1. Chapter one

Foreign Memories – Chapter One

It was one of the week end nights that Greg had come to Nick's place to watch the game and right now they were slumped down on the couch, feet upon the small table that was littered with empty beer cans and cheese and onion chips packages. They cheered one last time and gave the television the thumbs-up. The Colts had won and they were in a good mood when Nick reached for the remote and switched off ESPN.

'Huhuh,' he sighed and fell back in his comfortable couch, 'great game.'

'Yeah,' Greg agreed, 'it really was.'

'So,' Nick said and he placed another empty beer can next to the others, 'you're leaving or you wanna hang out a bit longer?'

'I'll hang.' came Greg's answer, his had tilted back and his arms stretched out above his head.

His shirt got lifted a bit and underneath the brim a few inches of bare skin became visible. Nick's eyes were immediately drawn to it and his cheery mood vanished almost instantly when he saw the edge of the burn mark on Greg's back.

He pointed at it and asked, 'How's your back?'

It took Greg a few seconds to understand what Nick was talking about, then he quickly pulled down his shirt to cover the scars again and he shrugged. 'It's okay.'

An awkward silence fell and Greg got up, 'Maybe I should go after all.' But before he could even take one step towards the door, Nick had grabbed his arm and spun him around.

'Greg,' Nick said, 'don't do this. Come, sit.' His voice was breezy, but Greg could see in his eyes that his friend was serious.

So he sat back down and looked at Nick. 'What?' he asked a little irritated, but the tremble in his voice gave him away.

'It's been over a year now,' Nick said, 'and you still don't wanna talk about it? Greg,' he quickly continued when he noticed that the younger man was about to interrupt, 'I can't know what you're going through if you don't tell me. And I want to know, I really do. Because I like you.'

Greg's eyes shone with tears and when Nick placed his hand on Greg's leg, the latter started to cry. He tried to bury his face in his hands, but Nick took his friend's chin and made sure he faced him before he said, 'You can tell me, G. I'll be more than a friend to you. Okay?' Greg only nodded and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around his chest. His legs pulled up on the couch and with his head resting on his knees, he slowly spoke.

'I'm scared, Nick. I don't want to sleep because I know what I'll be dreaming about. Every time I close my eyes the same recurring nightmare pops up in my head. I can still smell the burning plastic, Nick, and I still feel the heat…' His voice drowned in a sob and Nick shifted on the couch, moving closer to the man he loved.

He gently stroke Greg's hair and said, 'I'm sorry G. If I'd known this, there's no way I would've let you sleep alone one more night.' His voice hesitated for a moment, then he continued, 'Have you ever considered visiting a social worker? Maybe they can help y-'

But Greg shook his head frantically, 'No! They can't help me. I know that and so do you. The only one that can help me is me. But I'm too scared. Terrified, actually. I'm afraid I won't be able to ever forget this.' he sighed and Nick nodded, ruffling through Greg's spiked blond hair, 'I understand, but I don't think you should forget. I think you should give it a place somewhere in your heart. You're just gonna need to deal with the fact that it happened and somehow find a way to be able to live with that.'

Greg had stopped crying and was now staring at Nick with what appeared to be admiration. When he spoke next, his voice had regained some of its old strength. 'You really have an answer to everything, don't you Nicky?' he smiled weakly and Nick smiled back at him, 'No G, I actually don't. And I'm not sure I can help you, but I'll do whatever it takes to try.'

He took Greg's hand in his own and squeezed it softly. Greg nodded, 'Thanks.'

Nick checked his watch. 'Gosh, it's two am already.' He turned to Greg, 'You're not planning on going home anymore, I assume?'

Greg hesitated, but Nick didn't allow him to leave. 'It's late, you're not feeling too well and besides, I have a wonderful guestroom.'

'Okay,' Greg caved, 'I'll stay. But no pity! I'm actually feeling much better. I swear, this really helped.'

He glanced at Nick, who smiled, 'I'm glad.'

While Greg went to fetch his bag from the hall, Nick quickly threw out most of the beer cans and the empty chips bags. When he returned from the kitchen, Greg was looking rather uncomfortable and his eyes kept flashing back and forth to the bathroom.

'What?' Nick inquired.

'Can I take a shower?' Greg asked and Nick smiled, 'Of course you can.'

He showed Greg to the bathroom and provided him with a clean washing cloth and a towel. 'And if there's anything else you need…'

'I know, thanks.' Greg said and he went into the bathroom with his towel and a pair of clean briefs Nick had lend him.

He turned the lock and undressed. Meanwhile, Nick was still standing on the other side of the door until he could hear the water of Greg's shower running. Then he returned to the living room and lied down on the couch. For forty minutes he just lied there, staring at his ceiling and thinking about Greg and how he'd finally gotten the former lab tech to open up to him.

He wondered whether he could possibly suggest for Greg to come and sleep in his room. It would maybe be a little weird, but on the other hand he'd love to have Greg so close to him and he really wanted to help Greg with his sleeping problem.

A few more minutes he mused about this, then he realized what time it was and that Greg had been in the shower for nearly forty-five minutes now. He sprang back to his feet and ran towards the bathroom.

'Greg!' he yelled, banging on the door, 'Greg? You still in there?'

No one answered him and Nick started to feel a little anxious.

'Greg? I'm coming in, okay?' And with one more knock, he broke the old lock and opened the door.

Greg was still in the shower and he jumped when Nick entered. His eyes flashed downward and he quickly covered his crotch with his hands.

'Sorry.' Nick mumbled awkwardly and he looked away to not make Greg feel ashamed. He couldn't help but wonder why Greg didn't just turn around to hide his nakedness, but then he remembered how shocked Greg had been on the couch when Nick had seen his burns. Of course, he didn't want to turn around. He was probably even more ashamed to show Nick his burns than his privates.

Once again, Nick felt so sorry for the younger man that he had to go through all this. Today he'd finally understood how bad the lab explosion had affected Greg, both physically and emotionally.

He turned around, closing the bathroom door behind him. Greg used this moment to grab his towel, wrap it around his hips and turn off the shower.

Nick looked up to Greg and now noticed his tear stained face. 'Greg,' he asked, 'are you okay?'

Greg's lower lip trembled and he shook his head, 'No.'

Their eyes locked and suddenly Greg stepped out of the tub and walked over to Nick. Right in front of the Texan he turned around, giving Nick full view of his scarred back. Right from the top of his back, even a little bit on the back of his neck, down to his lower back there was a webbed scar. The skin had turned pink in some places, burned red in others and the once smooth surface now looked like a riverbed.

Nick slowly raised one hand and carefully reached out to touch Greg's mangled skin. Greg flinched at the first contact, but he didn't pull back. Nick trailed his finger along Greg's spine and he could feel the latter relax under his touch.

'Does it still hurt?' he asked. Greg only nodded and Nick could hear him sob.

With both hands he started to massage Greg's shoulders. Greg dropped his chin on his chest to give Nick more space and without speaking another word, Nick worked over his friend's entire neck and back, his hands exploring Greg's muscles and relaxing his burned and exhausted skin, until he noticed goose bumps on Greg's arms.

'Cold?' he asked and he wrapped his arms around Greg's waist when the latter nodded, pulling him close.

Nick still felt the tension in Greg's body and only after a few minutes, did the younger man calm down and he leaned back, resting his head against Nick's shoulder. They stood in silence for a while and Nick could tell Greg's breathing slowly went back to normal. Nick nuzzled against the scarred part of Greg's neck and opened his mouth, his hot breath smoothing Greg's mangled skin.

'You're still more than beautiful to me.' he whispered, then he pulled back his arms and exited the bathroom, leaving Greg shivering in the cold air.

Within seconds Greg followed Nick, still wearing nothing but the towel. He walked over to his bag and took out a small, white tube. He sat down on the couch, next to Nick and handed it to his friend.

'Ah,' Nick joked, 'lube?'

But Greg didn't laugh. His features were dead serious and he looked kind of hurt.

'Sorry.' Nick said and he read the small letters on the tube.

It contained burn cream and Nick immediately felt like a complete jerk. Of course it wasn't lubricant and what a distasteful joke it must have been from Greg's point of view, especially given the situation.

Nick wanted to make up for it and so he was extremely gentle and careful while he rubbed the lotion on Greg's burns. He made sure he didn't miss a spot and massaged the lab tech turned CSI once more while rubbing the cream onto his back.

All the time Greg didn't say a word and Nick started to feel like he'd really messed up. When he finally finished, he stood up and wanted to fetch Greg a fresh shirt, but Greg pulled him down, so he fell back on the couch.

'Come. Sit.' Greg said softly and when Nick saw the grin on Greg's face, he felt so relieved that he too couldn't help but smile.

'Thank you.' Greg said and, reaching over to take the burn cream from Nick, he lightly pushed his lips against the Texan's, 'Thank you.' Then he got up and left the living room.


	2. Chapter two

Chapter Two

A month had passed since the night that Greg had opened up to Nick and the two friends were closer than ever before. They spent nearly every week end evening together, watching a football game or going out for dinner.

Now Greg could once again be found on Nick's couch with a beer can in one hand and a bowl of crisps in the other. Nick was sitting beside him, his eyes flashing back and forward between the movie they were watching and Greg.

Greg, the beautiful young man sitting next to him, spending quite a lot of time in his house lately, hanging out with him, laughing and playing with him, talking to him. His Greg.

'You want me to do it or what?' came Greg's annoyed voice from his right.

'Sorry?' Nick asked and he left his musings and came back down to earth. 'What's that now?'

'I told you three times now that you have half a crisp hanging down the right corner of your lower lip.' Greg smiled and then he reached over to Nick's side of the couch and wiped away the crumb with his index finger.

'Better.' he said and then he laughed when he saw the shocked expression on Nick's face. 'What?'

'N-nothing.' Nick stammered, although his heart was racing, trying to break free from his chest. Greg had touched his lips. He had actually wiped Nick's mouth as though it was the most natural thing to do. It was. For lovers. It certainly wasn't for friends, Nick thought.

He turned his head back to the television and pretended to watch the rest of the movie, only glancing sideways every once in a while when he dared to do so, finding a grinning Greg looking back at him each time he did this.

When the movie credits started rolling, he quickly got up, mumbled a goodnight and stormed off towards his bedroom, completely confused.

Once inside, he closed the door and leaned his ear against the soothingly cold wood. Through the door he could hear Greg get up as well, switch off the TV, take out some empty cans and then walk over to the front door and close it behind him.

The second the lock clicked as Greg bolted the door from the outside, Nick left his room again and sat back down on the couch. What the hell had just happened. He didn't understand. Did Greg really like him back?

It was what he had hoped for ever since that awful night when Greg had cried in his arms like a vulnerable child, but he hadn't expected Greg, awfully straight acting Greg, to become this touchy so soon.

Nick smiled to himself and after brushing his teeth, he went to bed and slept a satisfying sleep, full of Greg-involved dreams.


	3. Chapter three

_A/N: Happy 2011 everyone! Here's a new chapter (finally, I know) for Foreign Memories and a lot more to come! Enjoy and please review, thank you!_

**Chapter Three**

Over the next week, Nick's hope for getting more out of his friendship with Greg, continued to grow. The former lab rat seemed eager to spend all his free time in Nick's company, watching football games together, playing cards, or even just spend all day and evening slumped down on the couch with enough bags of crisps and beer to feed an entire orphanage.

Nick soon discovered that he and Greg had more in common than they were initially aware of: they both supported the Colts – and agreed to boycott Warrick's attempts to turn their locker room at work into a Rangers fan site – and were infuriated by the same irritating and mind-dumbing TV commercials in the games's breaks. They both preferred regular soda over diet – because, as Greg put it, they'd "rather become fat than die of cancer" – and both had a dubious obsession for Pringles's vinegar crisps, which they couldn't really explain.

It was after yet another Sunday night of football and beer that Greg suggested he'd stay the night, because on his way over he'd noticed one of his car's head lights was faulty.

'I'll drive by the garage tomorrow before work.' he said and Nick smiled about his friend's meticulousness about not breaking any traffic rules that put others in danger.

'Yeah sure, because it'd be really dangerous to drive with only three proper lights... ...all the way to your house from here... ...at least a fifteen minute drive.' he joked and Greg threw a couch pillow to his head.

'Shut up!' the younger man laughed and just in time ducked the pillow that came return to sender.

Of course Nick didn't mind if Greg stayed over and the fact that this time it was actually the latter's suggestion made his stomach feel like it was home to a humming birds's colony.

Softly humming himself, he prepared the spare bed in the guestroom for Greg, lining it with clean, fresh sheets and one of his favourite fleece blankets. He tried to remember the weather forecast for that night that he'd read in the morning's paper and decided to add another extra blanket, just in case Greg would get cold during the night. When he tucked in the last corner of the sheet under the mattress, he saw something move out of the corner of his right eye and he turned to face Greg, who was standing in the doorway with a huge grin on his handsome face.

'Since when do I have my own personal maid?' Greg teased, and Nick felt the urge to reply with something along the lines of 'I'll be you bitch any time you want'. Luckily, he managed to swallow that comment and playfully stuck out his tongue instead.

That night Nick laid awake in his bed, unable to catch even a minute of sleep, his mind constantly wandering off to Greg in the room next to him. Greg, with his burned back and nightly recurring nightmares filled with loud bangs, screams and the smell of burning plastic. Greg, all alone in a room he was unfamiliar with and, Nick imagined, waking up every now and then, covered in sweat and not sure where he was.

At four am, Nick heard the church three blocks from his house chime loudly once – _would Greg be awake too right now?_ – twice – _should he go over to the other room and see? _– a third time – _what would he say if Greg indeed was awake too?_ – and a fourth time – Nick subconsciously had made a decision: he'd just go and see if Greg was awake and if he was... well, he'd figure out his next move on the spot.

He climbed out of bed and slid on his slippers, then quietly opened the door of his bedroom and crossed the hallway to where his friend was... snoring? Nick stopped dead to listen more closely. Yes, Greg was indeed snoring and rather loudly too. The Texan couldn't suppress a giggle. If there was one person to walk the earth of whom he'd never have believed that they snored, it was the slender man on the other side of that door.

The snores continued for another short moment, then slowly faded into deep breathing. It all sounded peaceful enough and Nick decided not to bother Greg with his insomnia. He turned around and made for his bed again, this time falling asleep soon after his head hit his pillow and sleeping like a baby until his alarm clock woke him the next morning.

The rest of the month passed without any more sleepovers and their time together was spent as usual, their relationship only slightly too close for normal friends, but unnoticeable to anyone but a suspicious Sara at work, who'd seen the way Nick had looked at Greg one time in the break room.

It wasn't until a week end a while later that Nick dared to invite Greg to stay over again, this time all for good fun, so they could play cards till deep into the night and have an overly fancy continental breakfast the next morning.

Greg reluctantly agreed after first having declined the offer with excuses like 'I don't wanna be of any more trouble' and 'But I've already plundered you entire stack of beer', but Nick thought he saw a flicker of excitement in Greg's eyes when he handed him a toothbrush with a label on the handle that read 'G' and said: 'I saved the one you used the other night, since I expected it wasn't gonna be the last time you'd forget to bring one.'

That night Nick discovered that he needn't wonder whether Greg was sleeping peacefully or having a nightmare, because in case of the latter, he'd hear.

He woke from a light sleep at 2.43am and for a second he didn't know what had awakened him, but then he heard it again: the sound of a muffled scream and thrashing came from the guest room.

Nick jumped out of bed, fast as he could, and rushed over to Greg's room, where he found the younger man wrapped up in his blankets, tossing and turning like a madman. His face was wrenched as though he was in a lot of pain and every now and then, a stifled moan escaped his lips.

Nick walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, close to Greg's face. He calmly placed his hand on his friend's upper arm and started to shake him ever so lightly. When there was no change in the younger man's behaviour, Nick shook him more fiercely.

Greg finally woke up, fear etched all over his face and his brown eyes filled with pain. When he saw Nick's warm features inches from his face and felt his warm, gentle grip on his arm, he immediately realized he'd awoken from what was just another dream and relief came over him like a warm shower. He slowly relaxed and let Nick hold him for a minute, breathing in the familiar scent of his Texan friend.

They sat there for a while in the dark, Nick stroking Greg's back and his deep voice whispering soothing things till he felt the nightmare's grip lessen. Then he slid under the covers next to Greg and without another word, they laid back down to sleep in which neither of them was haunted by worries or bad dreams.


	4. Chapter four

**Chapter Four**

Anyone who'd watch the Las Vegas grave shift CSI's at work, would notice that they were a hard working and really tight group of people. Their supervisor, an aging man with grey hair and an always thoughtful look in his blue eyes, wasn't busy scurrying around the lab all night, but somehow seemed aware of everything and anything that his team was up to at all times.

His right hand, an exceptionally attractive and confident red headed woman, on the other hand, was constantly checking on her colleagues and seeing if they were coming along with their work and offering a helping hand wherever needed.

She was often accompanied by a tall and handsome dark man with surprisingly bright green eyes, who seemed very ambitious and eager to live up to the red heads desires when it came to sudden work related tasks that needed finishing up.

The only other female CSI on grave was a woman with dark brown hair and a cute nose that stood up a little at its tip. When she spoke or smiled knowingly, which she often did, the gap between her two front teeth became visible. She was one of those women who don't fit the dictionary description of 'natural beauty', but support a rare attractiveness that can hardly be missed. The only person who didn't automatically look up every time she passed, was their supervisor and this seemed to bother her slightly, as a flicker of hurt could be seen in her eyes whenever one of those moments occurred.

The last two members of the team were two men: one muscular, square jawed, with deep brown eyes and dark hair and a thick Texan accent when he spoke; the other tall and lean, with light brown eyes and fair hair, laced with extra blonde high lights and more often than not walking around with the sound of Marilyn Manson's music coming from his pocket.

It's these two men that, after one particularly long and tiring night, left the lab together at the first sight of dawn and drove their cars, one following the other, to a cosy one story house a little outside the Strip. There they got out of their vehicles, walked through the front door one of them had unlocked and slumped down on a brown couch that stood in the living room, both too drained to even get them a drink from the kitchen fridge.

'Man, I'm exhausted.' the younger of the two muttered.

'Hmm hmm,' the other replied, apparently too tired to even talk.

They wiggled their feet out of their shoes and curled up on the couch, dozing off a little while later. Soon enough, they were fast asleep. At twelve pm, one of them was snoring loudly and he woke the other man with an exceptionally loud snore. The Texan rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked over at the man sleeping on his couch. He smiled, satisfied with what he saw.

Nick got up, careful not to wake Greg, and went to kitchen to make breakfast. Or rather, lunch, since it was already a quarter past twelve.

While he inserted coffee beans into the machine Greg had bought for him – because he could no longer stand Nick's "sewage water" – and emptied four egg shells into a frying pan on the stove, he thought about the past six months and everything him and Greg had been through together.

Since the night that Greg had slept in his arms, after Nick had comforted him and chased away his nightmare, they had spent more and more week end nights and even week days – during which they slept, because they worked in the night – sleeping together.

Greg had been around Nick's place so much, and staying over as well, that their co-workers had started to refer to them as 'the roomies'. Greg had thanked Nick for his support and told him that his presence alone was enough to calm Greg's till then so restless nights. His sleeping pattern had improved immensely and his eyes regained some of their old glow.

Greg's improved health and regained strength made Nick happy, but the road to recovery also bore his marks on him. Without the younger man knowing, Nick had made an enormous sacrifice. By helping Greg through the toughest nights and seeing him thrash and hearing him scream in his sleep, Nick was reminded more and more of his own horrible past.

At age nine, he'd experienced something that no kid should ever have to go through. He'd never ever told anyone, except for Catherine from work because at that moment it felt right and he'd felt like he had to explain his strange behaviour to his superior and friend. But apart from that one time that he'd let his secret pass his lips, he'd stayed silent as a grave. And as secrets often do, it had started to nag him and pop up in his head more often, the more he helped Greg sleep peacefully.

The coffee was ready and if he didn't take the eggs off the fire right now, they'd burn. Nick tore his mind away from the mist inside his head and focused on the present: breakfast. He coughed and with horror smelled his own morning breath. And a quick visit to the bathroom before Greg woke up.

Standing in front of the sink with a toothbrush in his mouth and toothpaste dripping all over his chin and hand – he never understood how people brushed their teeth without doing that -, he looked up into the mirror. The reflection that greeted him was a grim one: his tired red-rimmed eyes had bags under them that wouldn't look out of place on an eighty-year old woman, his usually tan skin was ash white and he noticed that his hand was shaking slightly. He tried to concentrate and hold it still, but it was no use; it kept trembling like – again – it belonged to his granny.

He sighed softly and finished brushing his teeth. Then he rinsed his mouth with water, used the toilet, washed his hands and went back to the living room, where it looked like Greg had finally awoken too.

'Mornin'.' Nick smiled at the sleepy head on his couch.

'Do I smell coffee?' Greg asked without opening his eyes. 'Proper coffee?'

'As a matter of fact, you do.' Nick replied, 'Freshly made.'

That sure got Greg to his feet and after a quick visit to the bathroom, he sat down next to Nick on one of the kitchen chairs and hungrily attacked his egg toast and coffee.

'Greg?'

'Hmm'

'Can I tell you something?'

'Sure, Nicky.'

'Something perso-'

'Oh, before I forget,' Greg interrupted, 'I wanted to ask you if you feel like throwing a men's dinner party with Warrick and maybe Henry, Archie and Hodges next Sunday?'

If Greg had taken a second there to look up from his eggs at the man who secretly loved him, he'd seen the devastated look in Nick's eyes. But it took him another three seconds before he eyed his friend, and that was all the time Nick had needed to regain his composure and throw on a fake smile.

'Sure, G, sounds like fun.'


	5. Chapter five

**Chapter Five**

Next Sunday arrived and Greg took it upon himself to buy everything the local grocery store sold in the beer-, soda-, crisps- and sweets department. Nick had suggested he'd make a variation of his famous Texan dips for dinner, so he could be found in the kitchen at four that afternoon, just when Greg returned from the store.

With a groan, the younger man dropped the three overloaded paper bags he was carrying onto the kitchen floor. He didn't see Nick's eyes roll up at the ceiling for a split second, before they focussed on the tortilla chips again. Nick had been quiet all week, feeling heavily crestfallen because of the way that Greg had stumped all over his attempted confession with this stupid dinner party. 'No, this dinner party isn't stupid,' Nick thought, 'Greg is.' But he couldn't kid himself. No matted how mad he was at Greg for his lack of tact, he loved him still. Greg didn't seem to have noticed Nick's lack of enthusiasm about the dinner party at all. In fact, the day before he'd actually thanked Nick that he allowed Greg to plan and organise everything for a change. Usually Nick was the control freak and apparently Greg had interpreted his quietness as a sweet gesture of trust.

At eight 'o clock Warrick, Archie and Henry arrived together, having carpooled. Fifteen minutes later Hodges rang the doorbell and they all settled down in the living room. With all the delicious food and talking and laughing, Nick soon forgot he was mad at Greg. He had fun arguing with Warrick about the Colts versus the Rangers and eventually gave up trying to make his friend see the truth about his favourite sports team. At the other end of the couch, Greg was having a rather technical discussion with Henry and Hodges about some new lab equipment. Archie pretended to follow them, but he was clearly lost in translation.

When Warrick went to the bathroom, Nick took a moment to observe Greg more closely as he talked to his colleagues and friends. He gesticulated wildly every time he was contradicted by one of the others and his brown eyes were fiery with passion about his work. Nick couldn't suppress a quiet snort of laughter when he noticed Greg doing his infamous discussion-interruption; before he did interrupt someone, he always nodded a lot, giving his conversational partner the false belief that he agreed. 'Damn, I love that guy,' Nick thought to himself and he couldn't help but smile when Greg looked over to him.

When Warrick returned from the bathroom, Greg raised his beer can in the aired and coughed.

'I'd like to make a toast,' he said and Nick felt his stomach make a back flip at the younger man's next words, 'to Nick.'

Greg grinned widely. 'To my very best friend and roommate, who's really been there for me when I needed a friend.' He paused for a moment and then finished, 'I love you, man'.

Nick felt himself blush and didn't dare look Greg in the eye. Instead, he scanned the faces of the others in the room. Archie looked as neutral as ever, his Asian features making it hard to read him. Nick saw Hodges and Henry exchange a glance that could mean many things. Finally, his eyes rested upon Warrick, who was looking back and forward between Greg and Nick, clearly a bit confused at what to make of this toast.

Greg, however, being his cheery self, didn't seem to notice any of their reactions and simply clanged his can against those of his friends with a last 'to Nick'.

'Nick', some of the guys murmured, before taking a sip of their beers. Nick drained his can in one gulp, then excused himself and went to the bathroom.

Locking the door behind him, he let out an audible sigh and walked over to the sink. He turned on the faucet and let the cold water run over his wrists, while he watched his own face in the mirror. He looked red and kind of blotchy, so he tried to calm himself down by controlling his breathing.

Meanwhile, Greg was passing around new beers to the guys in the living room, still oblivious to their awkwardness. Finally, it was Archie who broke the silence.

'Nice little speech you gave there,' he said, and when Greg turned to him, one eyebrow raised in question, he continued, 'No, really. I thought it was sweet.'

It took Greg a moment to understand the tone in Archie's voice to be a joking one. The others were starting to laugh a bit too and soon they couldn't seem to stop themselves.

When Nick returned from the bathroom, feeling a little less flustered, he found all of the guys in a great fit of laughter, except for Greg. Nick tried to read his face and thought he saw sadness or possibly even anger reflected in those beautiful eyes.

It wasn't a coincidence that fifteen minutes later, Greg had claimed he was tired and Nick had quickly caught on and faked a yawn, so that the others were packing up their jackets and fishing for their car keys and then left their friends' house.

'That was fun', Nick said, trying to cheer up Greg, who looked completely miserable by now.

'No, it wasn't,' came his response and Nick sat down on the couch and put his arm around Greg's shoulder.

'It's not your fault that it wasn't,' he tried, but Greg seemed determined to sulk.

'You know what happened when you were in the bathroom?', he asked.

Nick felt a little uneasy, but replied anyway. 'No. What happened?'

'They mocked me. They totally mocked me. All four of them. They thought my toast was stupid and probably gay.'

Nick felt as though a hand had closed around his throat and he had to cough before he could speak. 'Gay?', he asked, his heart pounding.

'Yeah,' Greg went on, 'Can you believe that? This is the twenty fucking first century we live in! Can't two straight guys be close roommates? And can't I tell you "I love you" without sounding gay? Because I do. I love you, Nick. You're the best friend I've ever had.'

Nick vaguely realized that Greg had said 'two _straight_ guys', but his head only registered three other words: I love you. He pulled Greg close and leaned in for a kiss. Greg didn't pull away, but didn't respond either. Nick placed his lips on Greg's and his eyes fluttered shut when he felt Greg's soft lips against his own. Heaven only lasted for a second though, before he felt Greg break contact.

He opened his eyes again and looked into Greg's face, ash white and shock written all over it.

'Back off,' Greg said and then, his voice a mere whisper, 'What the hell are you doing?'

'I… I thought…' Nick stammered, but Greg had already gotten to his feet and was moving towards the door.

'Didn't you hear a word I just said?' he yelled from the doorway, before he banged the door shut behind him, leaving Nick on his couch, in shock and tears streaming down his face.


	6. Chapter six

_A/N – After a really long time, I've started working on this story again, my personal favourite so far. There will be ten to eleven chapters in all and I hope you enjoy each and every one of them. Also, I've changed a small detail from the original show: from here on forward, I'll have Nick and Greg work day shift, simply because it's a lot easier to write that way… Hope you guys don't mind. Enjoy and please review! Thank you!_

**Chapter Six**

An hour after Greg had left, Nick was still sitting on his couch, red-eyed and his cheeks lined with half-dried tears. He hadn't even bothered to get up and find a tissue to blow his nose, so right now he had a slight toddler-fallen-of-his-bike look about him.

Finally, he seemed to come back to Earth and got up, went to his bedroom, undressed himself and crawled under the sheets, not even bothering to go brush his teeth first.

Lying in bed, he thought about how much he screwed up with his stupid attempt to kiss his best – and very straight – friend. When, after half an hour, he realized there was no way he could fall asleep anyway, he got up and went back into the living room, where he turned on the TV. He didn't even register what was on and just kept playing Greg leaving over and over in his mind, until he felt like he was about to cry again.

Why he did what he did next, he couldn't have explained afterwards, but it just so happened that he went to the bathroom, opened a new box of fresh razor blades and took one with him back to the couch.

He sat down and looked down at his arm. His strong, muscular arm that he'd so much love to wrap around Greg's waist. It was with this image in his mind, that he slowly placed the sharp edge of the blade on his forearm and then, with a small whimper, dug it in deeper and slashed his skin.

He watched little red bubbles appear along a straight line, yet felt no physical pain. The hurt of Greg leaving him alone like that was all his heart could feel at the moment.

He pinched his skin around the slash, so that more blood came out. Then he moved his finger over the redness and drew some lines on his arm. Some round, others straight. When he stopped, the word GREG was written on his forearm, shining bright crimson.

An hour later, Nick had showered, washing off the blood and trying to erase the memory of the night with it, and gone to bed again. He now realized how tired he really was and fell asleep in seconds.

Next morning, Nick woke with a strange, empty feeling in the pit of his stomach, which he couldn't clearly place, until he felt his arm sting and he looked down. There was a dark red line running along his forearm and last night came rushing back to him with a bang.

He went to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth, made himself a simple breakfast that he ate without really tasting it at all and then made a decision. He picked up his phone, dialled Grissom's number and prayed for it to go straight to voicemail.

Unfortunately though, it was his supervisor's voice that answered him, way too cheery: 'Morning, Nick! What can I do for you?'

Nick swallowed and tried to bite back the tears he felt welling up in his eyes again.

'I eh…' he said, cursing himself for not thinking of an excuse _before_ calling, 'I need to call in sick.'

'Okay,' Grissom answered, 'You do sound a little weak. I'll have Sara cover your case for today. Feel better, okay? And let me know when you feel up to it again.'

'I will, thanks.' Nick said and then quickly hung up, unable to choke back his tears any longer. He let them flow and made his way to the bathroom, picking up the razor again and continuing where he'd left off the night before.

Two weeks later, Nick had had a couple of calls from his colleagues, who were worried about him, but he'd heard nothing from Greg. His left forearm was starting to feel numb, losing strength due to the many mutilations and pain. Nick now cut himself every day to make his body feel something else than the pain he felt at losing Greg, but that feeling only seemed to worsen. He'd started to bandage his wounds after cutting, because sometimes the bleeding didn't even stop automatically anymore.

It was on the seventeenth day since The Night, that Nick was once again sitting on his couch, chest bare, razor in his right hand and a trickle of blood running down his arm, when the doorbell suddenly rang.


	7. Chapter seven

_Hi all! Soooo sorry that it took me awfully long again to write the next chapter, but here it is :) Let me know what you think, thank you!_

**Chapter Seven**

Nick froze, hoping that he'd only imagined the sound of his buzzer ringing. But when he hadn't moved for a couple of seconds, it rang again.

'Shit,' Nick thought and he quickly ran to the bathroom to hide the razorblade and casually wrap his arm in a towel. When the doorbell rang a third time he could also hear someone banging on the door and shouting. His heart started to race when he recognized the voice.

Greg pressed the bell a third time and impatiently banged his fist against the wood.

'Nicky, I know you're home, so quit playing games and open the door!' he yelled, but still he couldn't hear any sound coming from within his friend's house.

Greg lowered his arm an sighed. He couldn't blame Nick for not letting him in. What he'd said to him last time was horrible, but he'd had time to calm down and really wanted to talk to Nick. With the sinking feeling of disappointment in his chest, Greg turned around and walked back to his car.

Nick waited a few more seconds, trying to calm his breathing, then splashed some water on his hair, face and chest and made for the door.

With one last deep breath, he swung the door open, only to find Greg's back walking away from him, back to his car. At the sound of the door opening, however, Greg had slowed his pace and when Nick weakly called out his name, he slowly turned around and walked back to his friend.

'Hey,' Greg said, trying to make a smile appear on his face.

Nick only nodded and stepped aside to let Greg through. But the latter didn't enter the house right away. He hesitated at the doorstep.

'Can I come in?' he asked.

Again, Nick only nodded his head and Greg stepped over the threshold, past Nick and into the living room.

'I just showered,' Nick said, raising a towel-clad arm.

'Okay,' Greg said, not really sure why Nick was telling him that.

'What do you want?' Nick asked, a little harsher than he'd intended. He saw Greg's face flinch a little at his question and immediately regretted his tone.

'I can leave if you want me to,' Greg said, 'but I'd rather stay and talk to you, if that's okay,' he quickly added before Nick had a chance to answer him.

'Sure, let me finish getting dressed first,' Nick said and with that he left for his bedroom, rummaging for a few moments, the returning, wearing a maroon long sleeve shirt that really made his pecs stand out. Greg had to admit that he was at least a little fascinated by Nick's muscular body, but that was exactly the kind of thought he didn't need right now, so he pushed it from his mind.

'I'm sorry, Nicky.'

Greg's voice reached Nick's ears, but it took a while for his brain to catch on and realize that Greg wasn't there to yell at him. Again.

'I shouldn't have said the things I did that night when…,' Greg hesitated, 'well, you know.'

Nick looked down at his feet and didn't dare look Greg in the eye, until he noticed that the younger man had crossed the room and now stood right in front of him.

'Look at me, Nicky,' he said, and he grabbed Nick's arms to make contact with him.

'Ow!' Nick heard himself exclaim, before he could stop himself and he roughly withdrew his left arm from Greg's grip.

'What's wrong?' Greg asked, worry clearly audible in his voice.

'Nothing,' Nick shrugged and tried to walk away from Greg, but the latter didn't let him.

'You screamed like I hurt you or something,' Greg said, 'Are you hurt?'

And before Nick could stop him, Greg had grabbed hold of his left wrist and pulled up Nick's sleeve. Nick inhaled sharply from fear and pain, but the sound was drowned by Greg's gasp of horror.

'Oh my god, Nick,' Greg whispered, 'What the hell did you do?!'

Nick wished Greg would yell at him, become mad or leave, but instead Greg stood there, holding Nick's injured arm, his gaze fixed on the raw and wounded flesh, eye brims filling with tears. When Nick saw a tear fall down from one of Greg's beautiful brown eyes, he couldn't keep strong anymore. He felt himself collapse and started to cry vehemently. Greg caught him and held him tight. For at least five minutes, they just stood there and held each other, without saying a word.

Then, Greg supported Nick to the couch, left for the bathroom and came back with the first aid kit. He tended to Nick's wounds with the calmest expression on his face and Nick didn't talk either. When his arm was disinfected and properly bandaged, Nick didn't know what to say to Greg, but he managed to whisper a soft 'thank you'.

At that, Greg looked at his best friend's face and couldn't help but cry again.

'Why, Nicky?' he said, 'Why did you do that to yourself?'

'I'm sorry,' Nick replied, knowing how lame that must sound. 'I just.. what you said –' But Greg stopped him by placing his index finger on Nick's lips.

'Shh,' he shushed, 'I know. I'm the one that should be sorry Nicky. And I am. I'm really sorry. I can't believe I did this to you. Or that I let you.. I can't let you do this to yourself. I love you.'

The moment these words slipped from his lips, Greg realized he'd made a mistake. Again, he'd used the word 'love' and again, Nick would interpret this the wrong way.

'No!' Greg yelled, more at himself that at Nick, 'I'm not gonna let us fall out again over stupid semantics. I love you as a friend Nicky, as my best friend.'

Nick listened to Greg ramble on, until he heard those three words again. But his time, Greg immediately 'corrected' himself and Nick felt sad and incredibly happy at the same time He hugged Greg and didn't know whether to cry or laugh, so he did both. He felt Greg hug him back and could hear him sob and laugh too. It would be alright.

_Two weeks later_

'This is the last one,' Greg said, and he put down the heavy cardboard box he'd carried inside. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and went to fetch a cool soda from the fridge.

Drinking from his can, hip leaning against the kitchen counter, Greg saw Nick enter in his dark green long sleeve shirt. Despite the hot summer air, Nick only wore long sleeves these days, but Greg had gotten him to exchange them for t-shirts at night, when it was just the two of them eating together, or watching a football game.

'So, how do you like your new home,' Nick asked with a grin, 'roomie?'


End file.
